May 17, 2020
I awoke to the sound of rain this morning. Something about rain calms me and lets me take an exhale. I seem to be waking each morning, completely stressed out, with loads of hopes and to do items swirling in my head; awaiting some kind of receptacle. It’s like I have a bouquet of flowers that need a vase, and I can’t quite find the right size vast that will truly show off the arrangement. Thus instead of savoring the rain; I jumped right into my day and my hopes for the day.
I heard from a friend whose mother was receiving home hospice; and she shared that her mother died peacefully last night. She and her family have asked me to do the graveside service. This will be my first funeral service during COVID-19. There are many restrictions, such as limiting how many may attend the service. For this large family, it means several will not be able to be present. Again, a reminder of needing to pause and provide a non-anxious presence as the “how” unfolds for the service. And trust in how I will be guided to help this family honor their loved one and her legacy.
In the afternoon I met with my women’s group via Zoom. We have been meeting over 15 years. Today as we each shared, I found a common thread with each of the women… this attempt at trying to find what our routine is during this time of uncertainly. What and how and when we do… and when we be. And trying to tame the anxiety that is constantly present in the midst. Hearing others name something similar to what I’m living, allowed another exhale and more gentleness with myself.
Today reminded me of the need to slow myself, and breath. Taking in the inhale; and letting out the exhale. And remembering to be open to the mystery… inhaling that; to allow for the exhale of the noise and anxiety and obstacles from within.
I offer this quote from C.S. Lewis; as my prayer this night…
“It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity